This is probably going to ramble, but. . .
Via Zach’s shared items, I came across this post about the decline of “free play.” I’ve written about this before, but I’ve been thinking about our role in Jonah’s development a lot lately. Jonah and I attend a music class once a week and have consequently befriended a nice group of moms and babies. Many of these moms have their young children enrolled in two and three other “classes” of sorts and I’m told they still take their children’s development pretty lightly compared to others.
I spent a lot of time with my grandparents growing up, as did Jacob, and we both remember hearing them remark very matter-of-factly about so-and-so being “smart” or “not good in school” as if it were no different from saying your child is short or tall or has blond hair. Among the parents I know today, it seems that admitting that your child is unremarkable in intellect is admitting failure.
I think parents today see themselves as primarily responsible for educating their children whereas past generations placed more emphasis on providing for physical needs and shaping values and character and much less on academic achievement. I think there are a few possible reasons for this, and maybe they all contribute a little: 1. We live in a much more educated society now, probably over-educated. It’s just not as acceptable as it used to be to embark on a blue-collar career, so maybe parents feel pressured to push academics on their children to ensure that they attain some sort of social status. 2. This maybe links up well with the “specialness” discussion we’ve had on this blog. Everyone believes his or her child will display exceptional talent if only the time and money is invested to unlock it, so the more “educational” experiences the better. 3. I wonder if there’s something to the idea that today’s parents are less certain of what they believe and are unconvinced that “right” and “wrong” exist anyway and so they are less interested in providing that sort of foundation for their children. By comparison, intellectual development is almost a science; parenting books and magazines provide any number of expert opinions on how to encourage your child to learn new things.
I guess the fundamentally frustrating thing about parenting is that there is no way to ensure results. Jacob and I will be as thrilled as the next parent if Jonah turns out to be “gifted” but in order for us not to be swept away by the drive to “create” a high achieving child we must remember that first it is our job to love him and impress our family’s values upon him. Beyond that I think we can rest assured that doing what comes naturally, like reading and playing games together, will help him learn. And playing is learning too, even if we can’t see it.